By Rev. Jeff Olson

I had a two-part dream. Part 1… In a hall with a stage-like platform up front, I was with a bunch of people off stage each taking our turn in an impromptu talent show — singingjokesstories – all acceptable. Someone before me had just proudly showed off their skill in twirling a pencil, and another showed off their new body flexibility by touching their toes. The audience erupted with joyful applause after every offering no matter how trivial or serious.

The thought had come to me to do a cartwheel, so I had lined up to perform. I remember feeling anxious, not sure whether I was ready to expose myself. The thought of doing this felt risky, but a larger part of me felt like this was safe universe, so I stepped out on-stage. As I did so, I felt infused with the lightness of angels. The first cartwheel went so effortlessly that I kept going and spun joyfully into the 2nd cartwheel. Then when my hands touched the floor for another cartwheel, I pushed off and floated spinning in the air above me before coming down to do a final cartwheel on land. It was gloriously fun. A feeling of freedom, joy, exuberance.

Part two. Thoughts arose of my not deserving to have that much fun. “I need to modulate my joy” was what I told myself. “You used more than your share of joy. You have to atone for your excessive joy by hanging back now.”.

In my dream, I time traveled back to re-live the experience differently. I decided to sit in the background, watch others and not do a cartwheel. I faded to black and became disconnected from everyone. My feet felt like I was walking in mud. My mind felt like I was thinking in mud.

I can see how both scenarios in that dream are a part of my life. I am familiar with depression and also with the pleasure of just being. In any given moment, it seems that I am on the knife edge of a decision on which way I’m going to turn. The contrast between living in the mud from living in joyful celebration is so stark, that it inspires me to choose wisely.

What I want is to be following less the anxieties of the moment, and to be rooted more fully in the knowledge that I am a child of God. I also want to be rooted more fully in appreciation of a benevolent, loving universe where God is love, where everyone is safe in His love. This understanding would give me the freedom to make mistakes, to risk being a fool, to not be bound by the judgments of others.

May we all be blessed with many wonderful and joyful experiences. Let us embrace the cartwheels in our lives.

Rev. Jeff Olson