By Rev. Wende Grant

This past summer the universe presented me with quite a few obstacles to work through. From spending a year preparing my apartment to go on the market, to losing a dear friend, and then having a terrible miscommunication with someone who I love and respect very much.

Some of this may sound trivial, but I’d have to say that June of 2022 was one of the most painful months I’ve had in a long time.

This all happened just as I completed a ten-year portion of my spiritual journey and was preparing to be Ordained with Celebrating Life Ministries.

I was so broken that I could not speak to anyone for a week and then hardly for a month. The pain was so unbearable that I literally had a hard time breathing.

It was “SUPPOSED” to be this magically happy time of personal growth, as I was about to take my Sacred vows committing myself to a deeper relationship with God and my spiritual community.

During this time, I took the opportunity to look really deep within myself, to learn more about who I am and who I want to be.

In my deep dive, I learned that in a past life I was a devoted male follower of Jesus and when all hell broke loose in that lifetime, that I did not stand by him. Like all the others, out of fear, I ran for my life, never forgiving myself for abandoning my teacher…my Savior.

I have unknowingly carried this guilt and self-loathing deep within my soul and unconscious for all of my lifetimes since, including this one. I am not the only person who carries inner-child as well as past life wounds within themself, which is why I felt compelled to share this story.

This dark feeling that I have never understood is the reason why I have repeatedly invited the wrong people and situations into my present life.

There is a piece that was buried inside of me that continuously punishes myself for not standing by my beloved teacher in that past life, leading me to unconsciously create situations that will emotionally punish myself…over and over again.

This may sound crazy to some people, but in my core, I know this to be true.

During this dark night of my soul, I learned the significant lesson of forgiveness. There is forgiveness of others and forgiveness of Our-Self. This agonizing lesson gave me the opportunity to practice both.

Understanding why I have made certain choices in my life has brought me to a place where I can see clearly for the first time ever.

During this tremendously difficult time, I was given the choice of being angry and stuck in my own righteousness or forgiving everyone in my life who I ever believed to have wronged me.

At that moment, I decided that I would rather be happy with true peace in my heart, than to be righteous and angry. It was as if all of my inner wounds had been transmuted into seeing everything through a new perspective.

I began to see where I was wrong and needed to take responsibility in all situations. I was then able to see that certain people are simply just not meant to be in each other’s lives. Some people work well together and some just don’t.

I don’t have to name-call or bad-mouth anyone just because we don’t connect the way I wanted us to. I just need to accept life as it is, let it go, and move on. Who knew it could be that simple?

The most amazing part was that as soon as I made the decision to forgive, it all just floated away. It was like losing fifty pounds in an instant.

I not only forgave others, but after some deep prayer, I realized that Jesus understood why I did what I did in that lifetime and He forgave me, which gave me the ability to finally forgive myself. What a miraculous gift, as well as a colossal healing of my soul.

This experience was enormously humbling and so very painful, yet I am fully aware that it happened exactly as it was supposed to. I would not change one minute of it, because this transformation gave me the opportunity to have complete faith and trust in God’s plan that something good always comes out of the worst of times.

I am proud to stand here today with peace in my heart, living my truth.

I love God, I love Jesus, and I love this life that I have dedicated to living Divinely.

It is my most sincere prayer for all who read this to have the same peace, love, forgiveness, and healing in your sacred and beautiful soul.

And so it is, Amen.

With Love, Blessings, & Gratitude,
Wende Grant